Anonymous's picture

Open Channels

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I got a new band.

It's called "Open Channels"

Check it out here!  http://openchannels.bandcamp.com/

It features Tony Zuc "Zoo Company" Co and I writing/singing songs and Jane "Janer" Jane playing keys / samplers live.

Songs!

Anonymous's picture

An ad, for jeans.

 

Anonymous's picture

2011 In Memoriam

Now that it's 2012, it seems appropriate to reflect on the ones we lost in 2011.

Here is my poorly researched tribute to the restaurants and pubs we lost this past year.

 

 

 

 

Anonymous's picture

Silver Bellzz

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Well, it's Xmas Eve.

Santa is gearing up to deliver presents to all the good girls and boys, and pee in the stockings of the bad ones.

Here is a song I recorded in only 1000 takes. I couldn't ever nail it down perfectly, but whatever. Merry XMAS.

[ Play "Silver Bellz" ]

Anonymous's picture

Merry Crapmas From Ol' Gastank O'Shams

Merry Christmas, I’m back all you slimey turds!

You are probably (not) wondering where I’ve been lately, since I apparently only post like twice a year. 

The last time I wrote I talked about my job tarring roofs for the city. 

That job was ok for awhile but eventually I was hospitalized from inhaling all that tar smoke. Apparently you are supposed to wear masks but no one told me that! Lee, the other guy I worked with, is Asian so I just assumed he was “being all paranoid” when he was wearing his mask. But apparently not. Not only did Lee not get SARS but he also doesn’t have “dangerous levels of poison” in his lungs. Smart guy! I mean of course (he’s Asian).

So I had to leave that job, but it was pretty sweet because I went on disability. The stupid government had to pay me because I got sick from the job! I wish I’d known that when I worked at Fairfield Appliances and got my wang stuck in a vacuum hose and had to recover in hospital for 3 weeks or else risk my junk falling off. I never got paid anything for that!

Anyways, I’m doing fine now, and I even got a new job at Pulse Nightclub as a bouncer.

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Don't mess with me unless you are a hottie!

I get to break up fights between drunks and stare at young drunk chicks all night. It’s pretty much the best job ever! Whenever the bar is full and there is a line-up, I always try the “what will you do for me?” line on girls who want to get inside. So far it’s netted me $3.75 in Canadian Tire money, two sets of breasts flashed my way, and a pretty terrible HJ from this one really drunk chick. But you know what they say “A terrible HJ is better than no HJ at all”. I think that one was Winston Churchill.

There is also a super cute waitress at Pulse that I’ve been trying to nail ever since I’ve started working here. Luckily I got her in the Secret Santa, so I picked out the perfect present that will let her know my intentions.

 

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She will be mine! 

 

If this doesn’t seal the deal then I don’t know what will. Maybe I’ll slip in my Canadian Tire money to further entice her. If that fails, I’ll just go down the street to the Top Hat like I do every night. Ho! Ho! Ho! Three dancers a night.

One of the other perks of working at Pulse is I get to drink whatever is left over at the end of the night. Meaning whats left in the glasses and bottles on the tables. Otherwise they just throw it out! Can you believe it? I can also typically get 2 or 3 “Barmats” a night. There is nothing like the mix of our 40 types of shooters combined with the slight hint of “rubber mat” flavour to give you a buzz! I just pick up the mat, curl it into a funnel and pour it right in my mouth. Actually it’s pretty awful, but as Winston Churchill said “A free drink of something awful is better than no drink at all”. RIP Churchy.

Anyways I have to go: Bad Santa is on and I always like to pay close attention to the part where the Gilmore Girl gets railed by Sling Blade. The forecast is for heavy flurries, in my pants!

 

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Oh Lorelai you dirty dirty Gilmore Girl

Anonymous's picture

Top Tweets of 2011

 

Here are some of my favourite tweets from 2011. If you don't have many or any on here, don't feel bad. Just stop blowing it.

Anonymous's picture

Favourite Facebook Wall Posts of 2011

 

Anonymous's picture

Tell Everyobdy It's Xmas

A gift, from you to me.

 

Anonymous's picture

Holiday Xmas Parties

This past weekend was a slizzblizz of Xmas parties! I took a few pics, though not as many as I typically do. These will have to do!

Fun-Dew 2011

My annual Fondue party marked the return of the Meat Tree, a big hit last year.

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 Fundew Spread!! MEAT TREE Babes Warm Xmas Memories

Crappy Gift Exchange 2011 (CGX2011)

My most anticipated party of the YEAR, involving the exchanging of the "crappiest" you can find. Winner get's the Erasmus Award. Congrats to Evan who took it this year with his Bob Marley / Jimi Hendrix shirt!

Don't look too closely at this messed up panorama.

Doody agape  Crappy Gifters Party Rats! 

IDEAL for Night Blogging!! Winner of CGX2011 Jam On! You all look great you guys!

Holidog 2011

The 3rd annual (?) celebration of Hot Dogs with various toppings this year even included Alpha-Getti which I did not try. The night ended up at The Owl for the final Moby Dicks show. RIP Flappy.

Doody knocking it out of the park once again Our host, drinking "Holiday Whores Milk" aka "Bwine" Batman Hey it's Kent! DIXXX


So much partying! And there is still a haircut party to come! Gonna get my doo on!

 

Anonymous's picture

I'm Back

I went to Orlando, Florida. See?

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There. No need for a detailed day-by-day description of my trip to the various parks which are now giving me nightmares.

By the last half hour of the drive home at 1am last night, I felt like the Black Freighter guy:

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I hope you enjoyed then eventually grew tired of Robolade 3000’s tweets. Not sure what I’ll do with him. Maybe turn him off, or set him to “low tweet” mode, or something. There are only so many times he can talk about the same thing with different adjectives before it gets old.

 

Oh, I’m throwing a big party tomorrow. Shit.

 

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