September 2009

Anonymous's picture

The Last Post.

This is the final post on this Livejournal. I'm done. Over and out. Kaput. I will not be posting to this journal anymore. But what I mean to say is, I'm done with Livejournal, the service. You won't have to see any more fake-titted girls advertising "Evony", an online game which actually features NO fake-titted girls, or real-titted girls for that matter. In fact it's just a cheap ripoff of Civilization. False advertisting.

Or how about the gross Yellow Teeth ads? That's really what I want on the screen when people are reading my blog.

And, how about this?

In the good old days of Livejournal, there were no ads cluttering up the screen. It looked a whole lot nicer. Also, that was the web 5 years ago, which in "real" time, is like 100 years ago. Like, for example, about 100 years ago, "talkies" were the latest in cinema. 5 years ago on the web, the "marquee" tag was considered a great way to display info about your company BBQ.

Check out the latest in 2004 Super Highway Technology! Company BBQ at Henderson Lake this Sunday! Hotdogs and pop provided.

Other than the clutter-fuck of banner ads, Livejournal hasn't changed much in those 5 years. It works ok, but isn't "hip" anymore, if it ever was. If you ever hear about a great blog post, and the link takes you to Livejournal, you feel let down. "Livejournal? Eewww." It's one step away from a Myspace blog entry.

Also, I hear the RSS feed doesn't update worth a shit.

As you can tell from this post from March 1, 2005, I have been planning on moving off of LJ for quite some time.

Quote: "Work has begun on the Future Shock Journal system. Livejournal, your days are numbered! For us anyways. "

Obviously...my first 18 attempts failed.

My first attempt was to write a blog system, from scratch, in Zope/Python, because that is how I used to do things. From scratch. Which is why nothing ever got done.

I abandoned that rather quickly, and then decided to do it in Drupal. Then I thought that would be too hard, so I would do it in Wordpress. Then I decided: "Screw it, I'm doing it in Drupal so it makes my two Drupal business trips seem worthwhile". And that is what I did! Eventually.

So, this means the end for Livejournal. For me, and for them, because they are screwed without me. Remember when Friends ended it's run on NBC? Yeah, nobody watches NBC anymore. That spinoff show "Joey"? Utter failure.

However, it is not the end for what is the nearly 900 posts on this blog. They are all coming to the new site! Fucking seriously! Even the tedious shit from 2005/2006! And not only that, but also all the comments! That way you don't miss the drama of my fights with Steve, or how about that time we all alienated that weird chick from Oregon because she thought we were making fun of her? Good times.

It will be like nothing changed, other than it looks better and is more functional and doesn't have as many fake tits or gross teeth on the sides of the screen. Anyways, let's end this and move on over to the new site. It's like a fun adventure!

Ready?

Ok.

Click here.

Oops that was not the correct link. GO NOW TO THE FSHOCK BLOG: EXECUTIVE PLATINUM EDITION GOLD ++.

Anonymous's picture

The First Post.

sp-ako-ach-new-blog.jpg

 

WELCOME TO THE NEW BLAG!

The post you were just reading is below this one. Like magic!!

So, you will notice, it's not that flashy. That's because I am not a designer. I am a progammer. So, therefore, it's pretty simple. But I think it looks alright. Clean and simple, like your mom in bed.

So, some changes.
1) No more Logins...because obviously, this isn't Livejournal. I COULD allow account creation, but it seems kind of pointless. Maybe I'll allow OpenID sometime soon, if anyone cares, which... I doubt.
2) SEARCH BOX. The main thing that I always hated about Livejournal was that there wasn't really any way to search. Well no more! It also searches comments, and any other pages on this blog.
3) Various ways to view Archives. Like the Archive link on the top. Or the "Recent Posts" on the left, or the Monthly Archive List, or the Calendar... so on and so forth. Lots of ways to find 5 years of crap!
4) Bonus content! Since this is a Drupal site, I can add pretty much anything. Links to other sites? Surveys? Galleries? Ugh... online...Tic-Tac-Toe? The possibility is endless! I'll be adding new things all the time.

There are still a few things to fix up. Anytime I link to an old post, it's still linking back to the Livejournal post. I will be fixing those. There might be other stuff that looks screwed, but I think I got most of it. Oh ya, I disabled comments on the Livejournal too. Annoying side-effect of that is: you can't see the comments anymore. On Livejournal that is. You can see them here though, which is the point anyways!

Oh and there is an RSS feed thingy on the bottom, for you hi-tech folks with your Digiphones and Cyberboxes.

So look around, discover bugs, crash the site, and ruin my day! The future is now!

Anonymous's picture

Morning Chat

So that's how I started my morning.

Anonymous's picture

Waves, Machines, and Dust

For some reason I haven't mentioned the two awesome shows my band The Square Waves got to play at the start of September.

So I am mentioning it! On Friday September 4th we played Calgary at Broken City, opening for Jagjaguwar recording artists Lightning Dust, as well as Mint Records artists Immaculate Machine. Are you impressed yet?

Since Jane couldn't play this particular show, we got Endangered Ape superstar Kent Aardse to fill in on keys (and a bit of guitar), and he did awesome. In fact, this was one of the best shows we've ever played. It helped that the sound was good, much better than last time at Broken City. Another thing that helped: there was a good crowd, and lots of people STANDING and WATCHING! I didn't even need my Square Waves Dancers.

Squaaves: Special Edition

Heartfelt

Ryan getting waaaasted

Kent plays the toy keys

This was also the first time we've ever used a full drumkit for a song. On Infinite Loop, Paul played drums and Kent played guitar. It went really well, and was a great closer, and it looked cool too.

DRUMS!

Lightning Dust was next, featuring members of Black Mountain and the Pink Mountaintops. I liked it a lot, sorta folky quiet stuff... lead singer Amber Webber has a vibrato thing going with her voice, which is weird at first but it all works to give them a cool sound. I bought their new album, and it is awesome. Later on I talked with her a bit, and she was really cool. And I like cool people.

Lightning Dust

Victoria's Immaculate Machine was last. What I didn't know was that this lineup was almost entirely new. The band was originally a 3-piece with guitar, keys and drums. Now they have no keys but 2 guitars, and bass. Kathryn Calder, she of The New Pornographers was in the band up until very recently. She is gone but they have added frontman Brooke Gallups sister Caitlin, and also a woman named Brooke Wilken (two Brookes!), who has a great voice.

Immaculate Machine

I feel like I'm writing a Wikipedia page here.

I will just say that I enjoyed their set, bought their album, and it's really good.

This lamp of a womans body with Tina Fey's face taped on it sat at the merch table

A few days later, we got to play with Immaculate Machine again at Henotic. The smaller venue / crappier attendance allowed me to talk with "the Brookes" a lot more. Girl Brooke gave us hugs as soon as they arrived. Boy Brooke told a story of how someone in the front row of  the audience made a sandwich on the stage at one of his shows.

Immaculate Machine... in Lethbridge

We played good again, this time with Jane. Basically I was as happy with our set as I was at Broken City, only Broken City seemed better because of the crowd.

Good times all around anyways. At least restored my faith in playing live shows.

 

 

Anonymous's picture

New TV Show: NTVS

tbl-poster.jpg

There is a new TV show on CW called The Beautiful Life: TBL, about a bunch of models who do modelly things like model, go to clubs, do drugs, and don't eat a lotta fried foods.

So, basically, this show is called "The Beautiful Life: The Beautiful Life". You see, CW wants you to know that this show is so trendy and cool that you will be referring to it by it's initials alone.

tbl-teen1.jpg "Kaitlin, like did you see TBL the other day? OMG"

"Ya I know like WTF RTFM BBQ LLBEAN" tbl-teen2.jpg

tbl-teen1.jpg "Ya like really IDK right?"

"Ya like that show is like so ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ AMIRITE??" tbl-teen2.jpg

tbl-teen1.jpg "Like, guh like like so like guuuuhhhhhh"

"I require eucalyptus immediately."tbl-koala.jpg

 

That conversation really happened.

The show stars Meischa Barton, or after looking it up on the internet, Mischa Barton, who plays a model who always looks stressed out and worried. It's a big stretch from her role on The OC where she played a high school aged girl who was always looking stressed out and worried.

tbl-barton.jpg

Why so serious?

Having watched the show for a total of 5 minutes, I get the impression that the entire show takes place inside a club, everyone is buying drugs, Mischa's character is stressed out, celebrity model guest stars appear (ie Elle MacPherson), and the stars of the show would never cut it as real high-fashion models.

 tbl-cast.jpg

 

So basically, this show will be a hit cuz its the same old shit. That rhymed.

Anonymous's picture

80s Night: Glamrock, Degrassi, Boobs

On Saturday I went to the 80s Night bash at Henotic, featuring Spike and Kaitlin from Degrassi DJing, The Kabuki Guns Burlesque Show, and local 80s glam-rockers Blynd Tyger (featuring Quint V. on bass).

80snight02

80snight03

Quint V

 

Blynd Tyger were a riot, and they played Dio's "Holy Diver" which I haven't heard since that one episode of South Park where Dio played the school dance.



80snight-dio



The Kabuki Gun Burlesque show was next, and of course, I stuck around for that, cuz its gots boobs and fishnet stockings. So much fishnet that I thought I was staring at the wall of a Red Lobster.

80snight06


I had never seen a Burlesque show before, so I assumed it would be like a strip club (which I visit everyday for my steak-sandwhich lunch), but with less guilt and sadness. And way less nipple / vagina / bare-ass. This was about right.

80snight07


At one point there were sparkler-tits.



80snight04


Everyone should see this at least 19 times in their life. Since this was 80s night, they mostly had 80s themed clothes and of course 80s music. I honestly don't remember any of the music. I think there was one called "Bouncy Boobs" and one called"Nipple Spin", or maybe I'm mixed up.

Actually, most of the women didn't have bouncy boobs. Most of them were rather small chested. They still managed to swing around a tassle though.

Their grand finale looked like this:


 
80snight08



It's weird, usually I get kicked out of bars/parties/sororities for taking pictures like that.
P.S.: That picture IS safe for work, because: no nipple! Right? Right! Plus, confetti is ALWAYS family-friendly. So is glitter. Especially when poured on a mostly bare female chest. ... actually, glitter is frequently NOT family friendly.

80snight-garyglitter

Gary Glitter

 

80snight-glittershitter

Glitter (Palme d'Or Winner)

80sflower
Glitter GIF Abuse



Anyways, in between all this fun, the girls from Degrassi were DJing. I admit, I never watched Degrassi, like, at all. So I didn't really care all that much. Before the night began, there were some adolescent girls who were Fer-REAKING Oooout about them though. They couldn't believe that Spike and Caitlin were about to walk down the same street they were on to enter the club. OMG! It was pretty funny. Especially when Uncle Paul in his Eraserhead T-Shirt and leather jacket was filling them in on the details. Even kids today like Degrassi it seems.

80snight-spike.jpg


So, I was expecting two haggard washed up ladies, but that is not what they were. They are looking pretty fine for a couple of women in their late 30s/early 40s?? ... 60s? I don't know how old they are actually. But if they walked into Soundgarden, they would be getting hit on non-stop. Milfgasm. (By the way, at the time of this writing "milfgasm.com" is available. Considering buying it. Income stream?)

80snight09


I drank a lot of beer and still didn't dance. So there! But it was a good night out anyways. Lethbridge loves its 80s. I didn't dress up, because I figured since my band uses synthesisers, I don't have to. Also I don't have my Spuds Mackenzie shirt anymore.

Some more pics:

80snight10

 Teabag

80snight01.jpg

Evan's awesome jacket

80snight11

Best dressed of the night?

 

80snight05

All fun aside, I drank a lot so I could stand all that 80s music.

Anonymous's picture

Rip Off Stuff (circa 1990)

Found this lying around. From 1990, for a magazine I made in Language Arts class.

ripoff.jpg

Anonymous's picture

The Lost Posts Archives Part 1: Google Safesearch

I have a ton of shit I wrote but never posted to my blog for various reasons:

  1. It was possibly too offensive
  2. The topic turned out to not be a good idea after all
  3. I never finished it for whatever reason...probably because of point 2.

What better time than to post some of this crap now?! Because now I can use the excuse of "This is from the Lost Posts Archives!" if it ends up sucking royal donkey ass. Which it will!

 

 swallow.jpg

Swallow

 

First on our list is one which fits into categories 1 AND 2, in which I showed the differences you get searching Google Image Search with Safesearch ON or OFF. I wrote a wonderful short story with tons of links that you really shouldn't look at while at work. Back when I wrote this, which was seriously about 4 years ago, Google Image Search seemed to index a lot more porn for everyday common words than it does nowadays. So, this probably won't be near as successful. But most of it still works.

 

Here it is, feel free to not click on the links, and just see it as a terrible narrative.

--------------------

Safesearch ON.

 

I started the day at the pool playing water polo. Watersports are my favorite. The shower there was broken though. They are always quite slippery anyways, because there aren't any rubber grips on the floor. If I ever slipped I could get the legal department on their ass.

 

Anyways, then I decided I wanted to buy some jewelry, so I went to the store and decided on a pearl necklace. I made sure it wasn't fake first. There were some decent golden rings there too. The clerk was quite young and had nice facial features.

 

Then I realized I was hungry. I was so hungry I could eat a sperm whale! I really craved some asian food. But my throat sort of hurt. I thought that maybe some Bukkake noodle would be easy to swallow! Then I thought that I could maybe go for a salad, which will involve some salad tossing. Then I wondered how many buildings have rear entry, just in case I go to the grocery store for salad later and there is a fire or something. Always good to have an alternative escape route. Then I started thinking that dessert would be nice too. Maybe a cream pie or perhaps some whipped cream and chocolate syrup? Maybe a hot fudge sundae with a cherry and shaved chocolate on top.

 

Before I went to the store though, I had to go to my job. I wished I had more time so I could of bought lunch, then take it in to work. Oh well. I manufacture door knockers for a living. You know, those things that are hung on the door. It's pretty fucking boring, but the gang of guys I work with are alright. All day at work I had a song by the Mamas and the Papas in my head for some reason.

 

Anyways, after a hard day at work (things got hairy for a few hours when we thought we wouldn't meet our tight deadline), I went to the grocery store, and then decided to rent a movie. I wasn't sure if the store was open, but then I saw an employee motion at me to come inside, so I came in. I thought, "Maybe Saving Private Ryan or even that Brad Pitt movie Snatch?". I decided on Not Another Teen Movie, (I always seem to rent movies that blow), and went home. There was a cute pussy cat on my lawn. It was really furry. Not as furry as the doggy next door though. He's a puffy little thing.

 

I went inside my house and saw clothes spread all over the floor. I forgot to buy more hangers! I can be so sloppy sometimes. I cleaned it up and then sat on my leather couch. I tried eating some candy from the day before, but it was rock hard. I needed something wet to wash it down. I enjoyed a bottle of Boston Beer Works (BBW) brand beer and watched my movie. The beer was a pleasure, but the movie really sucked hard. It blew my mind how crappy it was. But, I forced myself to watch it. I went from drunk to wasted in no time. I drank my beer so fast that I almost choked. I started to gag but then I was alright.

 

Then I watched a porno. The End.

 

--------------------

And now, Safesearch OFF.

 

I started the day at the pool playing water polo. Watersports are my favorite. The shower there was broken though. They are always quite slippery anyways, because there aren't any rubber grips on the floor. If I ever slipped I could get the legal department on their ass.

 

Anyways, then I decided I wanted to buy some jewelry, so I went to the store and decided on a pearl necklace. I made sure it wasn't fake first. There were some decent golden rings there too. The clerk was quite young and had nice facial features.

 

Then I realized I was hungry. I was so hungry I could eat a sperm whale! I really craved some asian food. But my throat sort of hurt. I thought that maybe some Bukkake noodle would be easy to swallow! Then I thought that I could maybe go for a salad, which will involve some salad tossing. Then I wondered how many buildings have rear entry, just in case I go to the grocery store for salad later and there is a fire or something. Always good to have an alternative escape route. Then I started thinking that dessert would be nice too. Maybe a cream pie or perhaps some whipped cream and chocolate syrup? Maybe a hot fudge sundae with a cherry and shaved chocolate on top.

 

Before I went to the store though, I had to go to my job. I wished I had more time so I could of bought lunch, then take it in to work. Oh well. I manufacture door knockers for a living. You know, those things that are hung on the door. It's pretty fucking boring, but the gang of guys I work with are alright. All day at work I had a song by the Mamas and the Papas in my head for some reason.

 

Anyways, after a hard day at work (things got hairy for a few hours when we thought we wouldn't meet our tight deadline), I went to the grocery store, and then decided to rent a movie. I wasn't sure if the store was open, but then I saw an employee motion at me to come inside, so I came in. I thought, "Maybe Saving Private Ryan or even that Brad Pitt movie Snatch?". I decided on Not Another Teen Movie, (I always seem to rent movies that blow), and went home. There was a cute pussy cat on my lawn. It was really furry. Not as furry as the doggy next door though. He's a puffy little thing.

 

I went inside my house and saw clothes spread all over the floor. I forgot to buy more hangers! I can be so sloppy sometimes. I cleaned it up and then sat on my leather couch. I tried eating some candy from the day before, but it was rock hard. I needed something wet to wash it down. I enjoyed a bottle of Boston Beer Works (BBW) brand beer and watched my movie. The beer was a pleasure, but the movie really sucked hard. It blew my mind how crappy it was. But, I forced myself to watch it. I went from drunk to wasted in no time. I drank my beer so fast that I almost choked. I started to gag but then I was alright.

 

Then I watched a porno. The End.

-----------------------------------------

 ...ya so, that really wasn't very clever. If you actually clicked those links, you've probably lost all faith in humanity by now.

Aren't you glad it's only from the Lost Posts Archives?