July 2007

Anonymous's picture

Sled Isle


The Square Waves at Sled Island (Photo by Alexi Peznakov)


We went to Sled Island, and we played 6 songs, and perhaps some people liked it, and perhaps some people didn't. I'm not really sure.
I would liken the experience to this painting.

The venue was upstairs at EMMedia, who appear to do a lot of video editing and the like. We were literally storing our stuff in their offices, because it was their office space which had a large empty room which we played in. It was hot. And small.

There were a lot of young bands there, which was cool, because they weren't a bunch of bad cover bands, or bad punk bands. It's nice to see a different range of music at a show.

The sound setup was pretty much non-existent. Two speakers for the vocals, but there was no point/need to mic any amps as the room was as big as most peoples practice garages/basements. I thought we played decent enough but there is room for improvement. Lots of familiar faces showed up, even DJ Pez, who has probably been to more shows of my bands than anyone else I can think of.

We sold a few CDs, talked to a few people, and overall it was a fun experience, especially hanging out with my friends on a beautiful summer day in the city.

I will be sending out radio-station versions of the new CD soon, so maybe we'll get some airplay.
Anonymous's picture

Street Wheelers and the Strip


Muscle Car (Homoerotic)


This weekend is Street Wheelers Weekend (or Streeters Weekend), in which people with fancy new and old cars drive around the city, causing a ruckus.

As I do every year at this time, I head out to my favourite spot in the 3rd Ave IGA parking lot downtown, with my Coors Light branded cooler of beer and some lawn chairs, and set up and sit there for 4 hours. As I sit there, cars drive by, and I look at the cars. Then the cops come and say "What's in the cooler sir?" and I'm like "It's just my grandma's pain medication officer" and he's all like "Please open up the cooler sir" and I'm all "it's for my grandma! I can't open it! If it comes in contact with open air it won't work! Do you want my grandma to die?!". Then he'll be like, "Sir, if you don't open the cooler right now then I will place you under arrest" and so I grab the cooler and run onto 3rd Ave and try to lose him in the traffic.

In the old days of yore, some people would drive their fancy muscle cars into the parking lot off of Mayor Magrath Drive in front of Henderson (aka Reefers), and squeal their tires to create the largest cloud of burnt rubber possible. My cohort Steve AKA Achilles AKA once watched this display of manliness and I don't think either of us knew what the hell was going on. We were young and virgins. This is the summer we hung out with "skids and ghosts", as they are known. Back then I drove a 1986 Dodge Charger, which was a decade in which the Charger was no longer considered a muscle car. It was better for transporting groceries.


Achilles cruising The Strip


For those that don't know, "cruising the strip" is the coolest thing to do when you are between the ages of 16 and 19.
Here is a map of the regular Lethbridge Strip.

For the more extended strip, those times when you want some scenery, you can take Scenic Drive and make a huge circle which ends up at the start of The Strip again, downtown. If you are with "your girl", take that road beside the graveyard and drive to a nice lookout point. The romantic mood set by the sun setting in the coulees, not to mention the adjacent buried corpses, will ensure you are getting to second base tonight!

Or for those nights when you really want to use your time to it's fullest, like perhaps you have a kegger to get to later, just do 3rd Ave and skip Mayor Magrath completely. This will ensure you have the highest probability of seeing that one hot chick in the truck, or increase your chances of losing a drag race which may eventually end in a fight and you get a trip to the hospital for your broken nose and bleeding ear and the guy who beat you up drives his farmer's truck back to the farm where he'll sodomize a goat.

Yes, when you are too young to go to the bar, but old enough to drive, or have a friend that drives, there really isn't a better way to spend a Thursday/Friday/Saturday night in the hot Lethbridge summer. Other than curling up with a good book that is. Or getting a deep dicking.

Enjoy the fancy cars and smell of burnt rubber, be it tires or latex. I don't need to know how you spend your nights.
Anonymous's picture

Today's Movie Review

Today I am reviewing the movie Open Water, which was released in 2003, and I just watched for no particular reason.


The second-best scene from Open Water


Here is the story:

A couple gets stranded in the ocean when their diving tour boat leaves them behind.

Then sharks eat them.


The best part of this movie is at around 10 minutes in, when the woman is naked in a hotel room. Sensless nudity! Other than that, the movie is pretty non-eventful.

It is supposedly "based on true events". This fact reminded me of the movie The Perfect Storm, which was based on a true story. Except for the important fact that everyone on the boat died, so there was no way they could know anything about what went on, other than the few radio conversations the captain had. That movie really annoyed me. They might as well of had the crew of the fishing boat put on a puppet show, after which they could of had a giant homosexual orgy, and then an exciting game of Gin Rummy. It is just as probable as the dramatic character interactions that went on in the film.

So, if you like movies where people float around for an hour and then get eaten by sharks, then I suppose it's not all that bad.
Anonymous's picture

Lots of Magnolia Electric Co.


Laminate floor not included


On August 7, Secretly Canadian will be releasing a giant box of Jason Molina Goodness, which sounds gross, but it isn't. It's 5 CDs, and postcards, and some sort of magical medallion, and a wooden box, and probably some pixie dust. I could do without the other crap, but I am looking forward to the music. 5 Magnolia Electric Co. CDs at once?

Not only that, but it includes a song I've been waiting to hear a proper recording of for about 3 years now, Texas 71, which is streamable on this Pitchfork news page. They played that song when I saw them the first time a few years ago in Calgary, and it was one of the best things I've ever seen live.

So I'll be shelling out some more money to that Indiana record label again this August.
Anonymous's picture

Summer Television: A Guide

Summer is now the realm of Reality Television. In the old days, Summer was the realm of repeats, which means you could turn the TV off and perhaps go outside and exercise, you fat fuck.

But not anymore. No, not with the enticing selections of real-life drama available to us in the glorious 21st Century. And not only "reality" television, but Game Shows, in Prime Time!

Let's go through the list shall we? You wouldn't want to miss anything terrific.



"Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely!"

The Singing Bee (NBC)
Concept: Karaoke. They show you some of the lyrics, then you have to remember the rest. Eventually somebody wins if they sing the correct words enough. Ya, that's about it.
"Celebrity" Involvment: Joey Fatone from NSync. Glad he's still working, I guess.
Rating: 2 out of 10. It's televised Karaoke. Plus the grand prize is a paltry $50,000. What is this, a Canadian game show?



"Nothing I can say, A total eclipse of the hearrrt!"

Don't Forget the Lyrics (Fox)
Concept: Karaoke. They show you some of the lyrics, then you have to remember the rest. Eventually somebody wins if they sing the correct words enough. You might of noticed this is identical to "The Singing Bee". That's because it is, only this one is much slower moving, and you get to pick the songs too. So I suppose there is a bit more anticipation involved. Also it sucks.
"Celebrity" Involvement: Wayne Brady, of "Who's Line" fame. He also had his own daytime talk show once. He is charming and dull at the same time.
Rating: 2 out of 10. It's televised Karaoke. At least the grand prize is $1 million. But guess what, if I'm not getting the money, I don't care.



Shit like this is always going on in the Big Brother house.

Big Brother 8 (CBS)
Concept: 14 house guests are thrown in a house and filmed 24 hours a day. Each week someone gets booted out. Guests range from women with good bodies to men with good bodies. Throw in a couple gay dudes and one scary older guy, and you got a show!
"Celebrity" Involvement: None. This show has so many episodes that you grow to hate/love the people in the house, so the show doesn't really require an ex-member of an 80's Action Drama to make it watchable.
Rating: 8 out of 10. It's a bit trashy, yet not as trashy as 90% of the other shows on this list. Most of the show is just people scheming and such, and it isn't at all scripted for a change. They just kicked off the hottest girl though so that's a downer.



It's a televised Sock-Hop!

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox)
Concept: People. Fucking. Dance.
"Celebrity" Involvement: No one really. Just because you have some bitchy British judge, it doesn't make him a celebrity.
Rating: -500 out of 10. I'd rather join a cult and commit suicide so I can be reborn on the Great Magic Flying Balloon that will take us to our Master in Star System XR-9 than watch a show where People. Fucking. Dance.



Cougar on the prowl.

Age Of Love (NBC)
Concept: Some 30 year old douche gets to date a bunch of "MILFs" in their 40s. But after awhile, they bring out a bunch of hot 20-somethings with way tighter asses! So like, which one will he fuck? The old experienced broads, or the young taut ones? Holy shit the suspense is killing me!
"Celebrity" Involvement: None. With a concept this well fleshed out, who needs Tina Yothers?
Rating: 0 out of 10. Who the fuck thought up this retarded idea?



What's the deal with airline food? I mean, come on!

Last Comic Standing (NBC)
Concept: A bunch of wannabe comedians try out to be the next great American Comedian, who will get 1 promised appearance on The Tonight Show and then we'll never hear from them again. Some of the people on this show can actually be pretty funny however, and it's pretty low on the contrived-obviously-scripted-reality-show-bullshit scale.
"Celebrity" Involvement: It used to be Jay Mohr, but now its Bill Bellamy, who is a comedian, so at least that makes sense.
Rating: 7 out of 10. All in all not a bad show, as I grew up on Johnny Carson and Letterman and can appreciate a good joke. Let's just hope the winner isn't like the guy from the First Season who's entire act was making fun of his Vietnamese mother. Guess what: Asian jokes? Not so funny the 83rd time.



This invention does what you think it does.

American Inventor (ABC)
Concept: Patients from psych wards across the country are selected to show off their amazing inventions, ranging from things like "tin foil hat to keep the government from hearing your thoughts" to the amazing "fruit fucker 3000".
"Celebrity" Involvement: George Foreman, legendary boxer and counter-top grill creator.
Rating: 2 out of 10. It's fun to laugh at the mentally ill, but it gets old after awhile.



You f****ing c***sucker! This food tastes like the ***hole of a **** ****'s ****!

Hell's Kitchen (Fox)
Concept: Chef Gordon Ramsey collects a group of 12 wannabe chefs, and the winner will get to work in one of his Las Vegas Restaraunts. Chef Ramsey also swears like a sailor and even physically pushes people around. He is a complete dickhead. And also awesome.
"Celebrity" Involvement: Well duh, Chef Ramsey mother fucker!
Rating: 9 out of 10. It's quite entertaining, although it's starting to get a bit repetitive as it's in the 3rd season now.



Available for birthdays and weddings

America's Got Talent (NBC)
Concept: Sad lonely people perform completely random things that in the 50's would of been considered entertaining on an episode of the Lawrence Welk show. "Talents" include things like: singing, dancing, contorting ones body, eating lightbulbs, vomiting then eating the vomit, punching out ones of teeth and then making a sculpture out them, and fisting. The winner of the competition goes on to .. to be honest, I'm not sure. Prime billing with a traveling freak show perhaps?
"Celebrity" Involvement: David "Drunk and Eating Hamburgers Off The Floor" Hasselhoff, Sharon "Married to Ozzy" Osbourne, and Jerry "Scum" Springer. Yikes.
Rating: -3 out of 10. I'd rather eat a light bulb than watch this piece of crap.



Ok, that's most of them. Please waste your evenings carefully.
Anonymous's picture

Creatures Seen in Waterton This Weekend


Deer In Lake


Bear on Road


Dog in Campsite
Anonymous's picture

Harry Potter: The Final Page



As most of you probably know, the new and final Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter And the Deathly Hallows" is coming out this Saturday. Many people are very excited about this and some are even camping out in front of bookstores, in full Harry Potter-themed costume. Boy some people do love books! But most of us cannot afford to camp out, because we have jobs and responsibilities: things those people don't have.



So what do we do? Do we get screwed out of being "The First Person To Read The New Harry Potter On My Block", a title that is sure to bring you international fame and endless amounts of pussy?

It's not fair. But don't worry, because I have my sources in the publishing industry, and I don't just mean my friends at the Swank Magazine letters department, who always print my stories about made-up sexual encounters I have with hot cheerleaders.
I have gotten a copy of the last page of the new Harry Potter book. Now you can know the fate of all your favourite wizards and villains before that loser with the acne and the "invisibility cloak" (AKA a garbage bag).
Be warned, it's a bit shocking. J.K.Rowling has never been an author to shy away from doing bold things with her storylines and characters.
Read on and thank me later.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


"Daddy! Daddy look what I found!", said little Timothy.

"What is it Timmy?", answered Voldemort, still sipping from his glass of champagne.

"It's a human skull!" Timothy exclaimed in glee. "Can I keep it?"

"Put that down Timmy!", answered Hermione. "That's Ron Weasley's skull, and it's for the dog to play with!"

"Sorry mommy". Timmy hurled Ron's skull and little Sparky ran after it, barking in excitement.

"Oh honey, what a beautiful day." Hermione said, leaning on Voldemort's shoulder.

"Yes it is quite lovely. There is nothing quite like a summer's day in the cemetery, is there my sweet?". Voldemort set his glass down on the gravestone next to him. He read the inscription aloud.

"HARRY POTTER: HERE LIES THE LAMEST WIZARD EVER WHO IS SO TOTALLY LAME THAT HE SUCKS AND VOLDEMORT KICKED HIS ASS. MAY HE REST IN PIECES, NERD"

"You always had a way with words honey" said Hermione, grabbing Voldemorts skinny ass.

"Only the best for young Harry Rotter, I mean Potter Mwahahaha!" bellowed Voldemort.

"Oh, you!" smiled Hermione.

Hermione called Timothy over. "Timothy, run back home. Your father and I have some talking to do."

"Yes mommy". Timothy ran through the cemetery gates, to the Voldemort mansion down the hill.

"Make love to me Voldemort. Right here, on Potters grave" whispered Hermione, in a seductive just-turned-18-so-this-isn't-considered-child-pornography voice.

"You got it, sweet-tits".

Then they had disgusting evil sex right on Harry's grave.

Barely audible between the moans of Hermione and the grunts of Voldemort, was a muffled scream, coming from the ground below.

"What's that noise?" asked Hermione.

"Oh, uh, nothing. Must be the bats. It's not like it's the screams of a wizard that got buried alive or something. Seriously. Now flip around."

And with that, Harry breathed his last breath.

But the joke was on Voldemort, you see, because the night before Voldemort defeated him in battle, he had sex with Hermione and gave her Syphillis.

THE END

Some background on that: early on in the book, Ron casts a "Sluttilius" spell on Hermione. She then loses her virginity to Ron, and proceeds to do most of Hogwarts. She also gets her wand confiscated for "Inappropriate use of Hogwarts property".

She is also barred from riding broom sticks.

So, anyways, there you have it: the conclusion to one of the greatest series of books ever written. It's too bad the series had to end though, it would be interesting to see what sort of adventures Hermione and Voldemort could go on, what with his forked tongue and all.

Anonymous's picture

Big Brother 8: Roll Call

Well we are already a few weeks into Big Brother 8 on CBS. A great way to waste some time in the summer.

Every reality show has a wide array of characters which are picked for very specific reasons. In short, here is this years batch and why they were selected for the show:

NameReason They Were Selected
Joe Gay
Dustin Gay
Amber Annoying
Carol Hot
Jessica Bitch
Daniele Estranged
Dick Estranged/Angry
Eric America's Pawn
Jameka Black
Jen Hot/Bitch
Kail Mother-Figure
Mike Manly
Nick Manly
Zach Nice Guy


Now, let's go over our cast of characters in detail:

Joe
Joe is gay. Joe also sort of looks like the actor Michael Rapaport from War At Home.


Michael Rapaport

So I call him "Gay Michael Rapaport". I also call him "The Mean Gay One". He's pretty much a dick.

Dustin

Dustin is gay. He used to date Joe. They had a bad breakup. Entertainment ensues! He sort of reminds me of Damon Albarn of Blur.


Damon Albarn

Also he seems to be nicer than Joe, which is why I call him "The Nice Gay One".

Amber



Amber cries a lot and is frequently seen not wearing makeup.

Crying again.

She has the type of face that requires makeup, thanks to years of overplucking her eyebrows. You know how some women just look like death when they don't wear makeup? Oprah for example. Ever see her before the 2 hours of makeup? Don't, it's not good.

Oprah With Makeup


Oprah Without Makeup

Amber also mentions God a lot. I call her "God Girl". Amber frequently calls upon God to help her win a summer-time reality-game show. If God really has that much free time on his hands, then God, make me a sandwich!

Carol

Carol was the first person kicked out. She sort of looked like that women who played Ana Lucia on Lost,

Ana Lucia was always glaring because she had sand in her vagina

but I didn't refer to her as "Ana Lucia" because I didn't like Ana Lucia, and Carol didn't seem like a bitch. So I just referred to her as "The Hot Girl".

Hot


Jessica

Jessica used to be friends with Carol when they were teenagers, but they stopped being friends, probably because Jessica is a total bitch. Jessica used to be a cheerleader, which is why I call her "The Cheerleader", or "That Bitch With the Annoying Voice". Jessica has an annoying voice. Very high pitched and obnoxious. She sounds like a dying cat when she talks. I want her to be kicked off quite soon. She's not even that hot, so what's the point?

Daniele

Daniele doesn't eat much, which is why she is the skinniest person in the house. Her estranged father, Dick, is in the house, which means Good Television for us the viewer. She seems pretty smart and is generally nice. I imagine she'll be in the house for awhile, but I'd kick her out if I was in the game because she has a good chance at winning. Also she's too skinny.

Bones

She needs a Baconator.

Dick

Also known as "Evil Dick", he is Daniele's father. He is Tommy Lee, if Tommy Lee wasn't successful.


The Real Tommy Lee

I called him "Tommy Lee" at first, but now I call him "Dick" because that's fun to say. Dick says what he feels, which means sometimes confronting people to their face and telling them how much he hates them. Dick makes the show super entertaining. He also generally seems to be a good guy. I hope he sticks around for awhile. Dick also owns about 5000 "Suicidal Tendancies" shirts.

Eric

Eric is a bit of a dork. Eric has the special classification of being "America's Player", which means viewers can vote on what he should do next. If he completes the tasks, he wins extra money, all in secret. This makes things pretty entertaining. Still, he's had some trouble doing any tasks that involve him charming a woman, because as I said, he's kind of a dork.

Jameka

Jameka is the older black woman. There's always an older black woman. Not much to say about her really, she seems nice enough. Oh and by "older" I mean "28" which is younger than me. I call her "The Black Woman" because I'm from Southern Alberta.

Jen

Jen is a self-absorbed caddy bitch. With a nice ass.

Bum

And fake tits.

Not Real

Absolutely everyone in the house hates her. This week she is Head of Household however, so they kind of have to put up with her. She constantly talks about herself, when nobody around her is caring. She will be gone soon. I call her "Jen, the Bitch".

Kail

Kail is the motherly older white woman. She's 37 and fairly cute. She's very likable and could go very far in the game. She looks vaguely like Kirsten Dunst,

That one girl

but I don't call her "Kirsten Dunst" because I can never remember Kirsten Dunst's name. I had to do an IMDB search for "Spider Man" to remember it just now.

Mike

Mike is a dude in the house with pecs. He works out. Uh.. his name is Mike. Mike is totally forgettable but seems likable enough. He'll probably fly under the radar for awhile. I call him "Wait, who is that guy again?"

Nick

Nick is the douche with the big tattoos and the even-better-pecs-than-Mike. I think I mostly don't like him because he's better looking than me. He has been hitting on Daniele a lot, which made Jen jealous. Nick is kind of dull. I call him "Nick" or "Douche".

Zach

Zach is a Graphic Designer, and a little goofy looking but I think most girls would like him. He's pretty likable and doesn't seem like a douche. I hope he sticks around, he seems like a swell guy. I call him "Zach".

Ok that about wraps it up. Remember to tune in Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights! Unless you have a life or something. Then you probably shouldn't.
Anonymous's picture

Sebadoh Live!


I went to Sebadoh in April while in Florida. I attempted to film a few of the songs, knowing that the sound would be atrocious given my digital camera's curiously terrible microphone. However, I wanted a few songs for the hell of it on video.
Well, much to my surprise, the entire show was recorded and posted to http://www.freesofree.net, a Dinosaur Jr. fansite which features a lot of bootlegs (including Lou Barlow Sebadoh stuff of course).
So anyways, I took the two videos I filmed and combined them with the superior audio to create 2 fabulous Youtube clips.

The sound is so clear (being from a soundboard), that it is rather deceptive, because I assure you it was a hell of a lot louder in person.

Anyways, these are really for "fans only", as they are pretty rough, but awesome nonetheless.
The second one features some good dialog with Eric making fun of the fact that their show had to end early to make room for "80's night", and Lou Barlow talking about their Easter (which was actually the day before the show).

It's So Hard To Fall In Love


Bouquet For A Siren

 

Anonymous's picture

kanYe West + Will Oldham = Pure Genius



This is too awesome. Check out this kanYe West video for "Can't Tell Me Nothin'", starring comedian Zach Galifianakis and Will Oldham! Will Oldham specializes in playing hicks, due to his hick-like appearance I suppose. The man does play shows in overalls and no shirt.

Pretty awesome.



Thank you Paul for bringing this to my attention.
Anonymous's picture

Lethbridge Landmarks: Alternate Names





Anonymous's picture

This sign is real



It appears as though the University has been challenged to a Duel!
Thanks for beautifying our campus, devil's teenagers!