Anonymous's picture

Winfry

 

 

For nearly 4 years there existed a Twitter account called @oprahwinfry.

It started the precise moment the real @oprah Twitter account was created, in April 2009.

Which was the real Oprah? Who can tell? Who can really say? Well, Twitter can, because they suspended the account in 2013.

The Oprah Winfry account was featured on such lists as this one on XFinity.

Or Inside Technology 360.

Or of course everyone’s favorite “Her Campus”.

Or whatever this site is.

Deutsch Die Liebe der reichen schwarzen Dame!

Or how about this very humourless posting on a “Wealth Management” site about the dangers of not claiming your online identity?

“Yet there is potentially greater danger in inertia because not claiming your identity online leaves you open to impersonators which can be very hard to shake off, as proven by fake celebrity accounts on Twitter – like @oprahwinfry - having tens of thousands of followers even after the genuine accounts have been authenticated.  “

Awesome right?? It had amassed several thousands of followers; primarily people who can’t read.

Even Nardwuar talked about it with everyone's favorite band Fist City (at 37 minutes, with some lies about it being a hoax account?).

They shut it down in 2013, ending everyone’s good time forever, despite several requests to the fine folks at Twitter dot Com asking to have it back. “But it’s funny?” didn’t sway anyone over there.

No one will ever know the hilarious Lance Armstrong doping scandal tweet Ms. Winfry had prepared, which failed to post one cold January 2013 morning. The end of an era.

So why not now relive the good times, with this archive of every Oprah Winfry tweet?

Enjoy the time-sensitive humour (hope you remember the 2010 US Election).

Cry at the missing images because Twitter blocks suspended user’s pictures (jerks).

Grow tired of the endless weight jokes which really aren’t all that clever upon reading them all in succession.

Scroll to the bottom and read along!

OPRAH WINFRY TWITTER ARCHIVE

 

Anonymous's picture

Bloag

 I have a blog?

People still blog?

It's almost 2015, surely nobody "blogs" anymore.

They post status updates on Facebook calling for attention.

Or they tweet a funny joke and/or thinkpiece on feminist racism in gaming.

Or they Instagram soup.

Or they start a fight on a youtube video about Barack Obama or Jews.

Nobody blogs anymore.

But it's December 1st so I guess I should blog.

Here's a blog post.

 

Anonymous's picture

Get Ripped

Anonymous's picture

2013 In Memoriam

We lost a lot of good ones this year, folks.

And even more bad ones.

Anonymous's picture

Hey! Guess What? Santa's On The Coke Cans Now!

Back in 1996, Lethbridge's greatest punk band Channel 01 recorded an original holiday Xmas classic for Jeff n Steve's CKUL radio show Analog Dog.

Here it is for your enjoyment.

 

 

Sing along!

 

 

Hey

Guess what

Santa's on the coke cans now!

(x3)


Hey 

Guess what

Santa's on my coke!



Santa Claus. Jolly old saint nick,

Merry Chris Kringle.

Father Noel.

you're the greatest in the world.


Santa And Coca Cola yeah!

Its gonna be a great christmas,

It is a special omen

to see you on the can.



(chorus)

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.


Santa Claus on the Coke cans means 

its nearly christmas time.

Time to put up coloured lights

and time to buy a christmas tree.

    


I love my santa coke

I'd drink it all the time

but santa claus only

comes but once a year.


<chorus>

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.



Santa Claus is the world's greatest man

on the red aluminum can.

Which is the world's greatest drink

Coincidence? No, what do you think?


Santa Claus was made for Coke

It Is No Joke

because Vise-Versa

It was made for him.


(chorus)

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.



Last year and the year before

santa claus was missing.

But this year he's back and so

Its gonna be a good one.


Santa claus is a registered 

trademark of coca cola industries

Oh yea. Coke is the one 

who made christmas what it is.



(chorus)

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.


< bridgges  X 2>


Santa.

Coke and Santa Claus.

Much to my applause;

They have brought him back.

With his goodies sack!


santa.

Coke and Santa Claus

Cheery old St. Nick.

Takin' a big sip

of sweet coca cola.


(chorus)

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.



Santa, bring us good tidings

and a 12-pack please

of that sweetest drink

...coke.


So people, while you are shopping

Why not start sipping

that favourite yuletime drink

Classic coca cola.

(chorus until fade away)

 Santa's on the coke cans now!

 Reeally REally. Yeah!

 Santa's (sitting/standing) there so proud

 Really really, oh yea.




 

Anonymous's picture

Song: Dear Santa

Do you like original Xmas music? Good because here is another ORIGINAL. I recorded this a few years ago but never did anything with it.

It was supposed to be a funny song about a kid over-explaining to Santa how to get into his house for Christmas. It ended up being a sad song about a single mother living in fear from her ex-husband having to live in a shitty apartment with her children.

Merry Christmas!

 

Anonymous's picture

Song: Costco Christmas

 

Here is a delightful new original Xmas song about shopping at Costco for Christmas.

Please enjoy it. I used a stylophone and a banjo in it so there.

 

Anonymous's picture

Momjokes

My friend Gillian G has alerted me to a website called"Hahas For Hoohas" that I guess is a comedy website for vaginas? Or women, according to their About page. For some reason I thought "hoo-has" meant breasts, but I was told that no, it actually means vajajays which is what Cosmopoliton calls "poons" (medical term for a vajoinkydoink).

These are the types of jokes you see Liked or Shared on Facebook, which is where you go to see how boring your old high school friends are.

This particular site specializes in the area of "mom" humour. Which I guess is really funny to all moms because it seems moms have a terrible/no sense of humour. Really you just put some text into a JPG with a drawing of a person not even neccessarily doing anything, and it instantly becomes funny. You know those eCards that get shared on Facebook with funny text about needing to drink wine because Mommy is a rampant alcoholic (lol).

Since I'm quite the jokester myself, I came up with some of my own mom jokes which I am going to submit so I can possibly get hired over there and make it my fulltime career.

 

 

 

 

Anonymous's picture

Santa Barlow

I'm a pretty big Lou Barlow fan, if you hadn't noticed my impressive Sebadoh/Sentridoh/Lou Barlow/Folk Implosion/Dinosaur Jr record collection, read the lyrics scrawled in my grade 12 binders, picked out influences to certain Favour songs, saw Favour play the LCI Battle of the Bands featuring a cover of Sebadoh deep-cut "Whitey Peach", seen the photo of me with a sweaty Lou Barlow, etc.

So keeping in the "quantity over quality" nature of this months December FShock Journal, here is a picture I drew while in a phone meeting:

 

Considering I drew that without any Barlow reference, I think it came out pretty good. 

Hopefully my next blogpost has more than 5 minutes of work put into it.

Anonymous's picture

Thanks, Obama

 Merry Xmas from the Obama Family!

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